Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
