does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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