I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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