Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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