she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
