Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
