I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
