I hope mine doesn't look like that
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Swine flu is the new snow day.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
