Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
