That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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