the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
