I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
