i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
