My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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