I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
