when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He felt like a one man threesome
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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