I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
