I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
