Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
