I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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