worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
