At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
