dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
