You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just gargled with NyQuil
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
