??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
