He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
