omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
