what day is it and did you see me today?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
