why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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