Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
