Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
