i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
