smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
