I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
