Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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