dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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