This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
