Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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