I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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