Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
