Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
