party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
