I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
