Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
