If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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