I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
