Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
