This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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