i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
