I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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