guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Let's get the cat blown out
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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