They should really pass out barf bags in church
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
