What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
