My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
