i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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