Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
