No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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