felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
