I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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