Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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