Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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