his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
