Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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