3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I am available for nakedness
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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