i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
