All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
