found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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