Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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