Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Randomize
