He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
