can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
