somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize