you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
