Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
