why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
