Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
