kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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