k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
