Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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