literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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