Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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