4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize