I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
