Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
