the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
