I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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