its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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