that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
