I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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