Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I came so hard my ears popped.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize