Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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