Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
