I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
