Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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