i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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