Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
