oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
