i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
