Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
