Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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