I love black thongs
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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