I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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