Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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