I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
