I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
