quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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