I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
